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knock loud, I'm home [Jul. 8th, 2009 | 05:36 pm]
[I'm feeling |okayokay]
[I'm listening to |Neko Case - Knock Loud]

Obviously I've been undergoing a rather quiet blog existence since November, most of which has been due to the job I now have. Now it would be disingenuous to suggest that I'm just too busy to write, as I have somehow managed to write in this thing for the last five or six years without ever being "too busy," so I will instead blame it on laziness and apathy. So Twitter has been bothering the everloving crap out of me: I can definitely spew out little blurbs throughout the day about what I'm thinking but I'm pretty sure that not even I would really be able to keep tabs on why any of them would matter to my general existence. My previous blog entries are generally at least long enough to warrant self-reflection. Now I'm not going to completely discount Twitter, as it has been rather important in reporting the news from Iran lately. I will, however, note how extremely self-centered the thing can be: sure you can follow other people's brief sputterings, but you're mostly posting for other people's approval. I suppose this has bothered me about blogs for a long time anyway, so the point is probably moot. The constant barrage of information is sometimes rather taxing: maybe that's why we can only appeal to each other in terms of our likes and dislikes. The most any of us can do facing this kind of onslaught is compartmentalize things into "love" or "like" or "hate."

A number of things have changed since November: Jonny and I now live together in Raleigh, which has been a lot of fun. We just got back from a mini holiday in Asheville. :)

Link2 asked for cake | Cake or Death?

fingers crossed, my time is coming now [Nov. 18th, 2008 | 03:04 pm]
[I'm feeling |frustratedfrustrated]
[I'm listening to |Lykke Li - Time Flies]

It's November. I still haven't found a full-time engineering position. I had a couple more interviews recently, but neither company could hire me (in both cases, it felt like a monetary thing, not really a dislike of my qualifications or me personally). All kinds of companies are having hiring freezes, and it may not get better until next year. For the time being, I'm trying to get temp work at UNC. It might pay better than Galaxy if they give me a lab position, plus it would be much closer to Carrboro. Hopefully that will give me 15-25 hours of part time work every week, then I can still have time for interviews, etc.

It's cute that I wrote in September that I'd be happy to even lose 20 pounds. Well I've now lost about 22 doing the Couch to 5K program. I'm about to start Week 8, jogging for 28 minutes, tomorrow. I've also been watching what I've been eating (with fitday.com), of course, but I really do think that being able to jog for 25 minutes nonstop has done a lot for my health and wellbeing, regardless. I still plan on eating a piece of pumpkin pie next week.

In other news, Jonny and I have officially been dating for a year now. He's the best. :D

**Note: this entry was made for Misha. Speaking of Misha, we went to see The Mountain Goats last week, which was awesome. They even played a Morrissey cover.**
LinkCake or Death?

and I can't sleep [Oct. 16th, 2008 | 01:35 am]
[I'm feeling |hopefulhopeful]
[I'm listening to |The Magnetic Fields - Strange Powers]

I've basically started falling in love with Pushing Daisies. I therefore love this limited edition shirt from glarkware:

I guess if I want one, I'll have to order it before the end of October.

Speaking of which, how is it mid-October already? Where did the rest of the year go? And if I get Halloween night off from work, what/who should I go as (I want to do Sarah Palin, but I guarantee other people will be doing this as well)?
Link1 asked for cake | Cake or Death?

But what can I do? [Sep. 22nd, 2008 | 03:03 pm]
[I'm in |Starlight Mints - Submarine #3]
[I'm feeling |mellowmellow]

Despite that I'm really watching what I eat these days, I think it's important that you all know that this is the best ice cream flavor ever invented:

Apparently they've begun selling it in select retail stores. Last year you could only get it at scoop shops (not that this was much of an impediment, since they will handpack a pint of it for you at those locations), so I'm wondering if it's been spotted anywhere locally. If you've seen it, let me know. It's the bees knees.

I'm also taking the time to read Love is a Mix Tape, since Misha, Jonny, Shirley Manson and Brian liked it. I finished Libra last week, and I still really adore DeLillo.
Link2 asked for cake | Cake or Death?

I've been searching for a job [Jul. 11th, 2008 | 01:43 am]
[I'm feeling |determineddetermined]
[I'm listening to |Du Pré, Baker, Barbirolli (LSO) - Cello Concerto in E minor Op.85]

So I haven't really been updating lately. I keep listening to Elgar's Cello Concerto, and it just kills me. The first movement is so beautiful. According to Wikipedia (oh stable source!), Elgar hummed the concerto's opening theme to a friend in 1934 during his final illness, telling him, "If ever after I'm dead you hear someone whistling this tune on the Malvern Hills, don't be alarmed. It's only me."

I continue on with my job search, and hope that I'll eventually have something worth posting in here. Otherwise, things are going rather well: Jonny and I are going to see Batman in IMAX at midnight next week when we celebrate being together for eight months (!). If you haven't seen Wall-E yet, do so immediately. It's such an amazing movie.

That's about it. Hit me up sometime, people: I'm dreadfully out of place here in Carrboro.
LinkCake or Death?

weather changes moods [May. 26th, 2008 | 11:30 pm]
[I'm feeling |boredbored]
[I'm listening to |Nirvana - In Bloom]

Picture of the Day:

Apparently this happened at a Pro-Tibet rally way back in March or April, but I hadn't seen Rowan Benum's picture until Saunders showed it to me today. Enjoy.
Link2 asked for cake | Cake or Death?

turn the volume up real high [May. 21st, 2008 | 06:59 pm]
[I'm feeling |anxiousanxious]
[I'm listening to |The Mountain Goats - Game Shows Touch Our Lives]

I've graduated now. I need to find a job. I'm also temporarily moving in with my sister in Chapel Hill.

Also, Wolf Blitzer blogs.

And Jonny and I have fallen in love with watching Tila Tequila's Shot at Love II. We can't help it. It's like some kind of colorful trainwreck.
LinkCake or Death?

just for kicks [Apr. 21st, 2008 | 12:11 am]
[I'm feeling |boredbored]
[I'm listening to |Explosions in the Sky – It's Natural to Be Afraid]

My Personality
Openness to Experience
You rarely get angry and it takes a lot to make you angry, however high levels of stress can lead to you feeling panic or confusion, but usually you cope with day to day pressures. You are not prone to spells of energetic high spirits. You tend not to express your emotions openly and are sometimes not even aware of your own feelings. You dislike confrontations and are perfectly willing to compromise or to deny your own needs in order to get along with others, however you are not affected strongly by human suffering, priding yourself on making objective judgments based on reason. You are more concerned with truth and impartial justice than with mercy. You take your time when making decisions and will deliberate on all the possible consequences and alternatives.

Take a Personality Test now or view the full Personality Report.

Link1 asked for cake | Cake or Death?

there is still no place for someone like me to fill [Apr. 7th, 2008 | 02:51 pm]
[I'm feeling |busybusy]
[I'm listening to |Peter Bjorn and John - The Chills]

I've been rather busy lately: sorry about never posting.

I feel mopey: there's too much I need to get done by the end of April, for one. Plus it keeps raining, though I suppose that's a good thing due to our drought.

I keep thinking that today, fourteen (gracious, I'm getting old) years ago, Kurt Cobain's body lay quietly in a house in Seattle. Now I don't mean to make this into come kind of oversentimentalized treatise on the subject, but it's still interesting to me. I keep getting the feeling that other people are having lives all around me and I haven't started mine yet, I'm still drowning in work. It's not even that the work is too hard to manage, it's just that the something else I should be doing is completely unrevealed to me: more importantly, I doubt it ever will be. But what are we supposed to do in the wake of such things being so far in our past? Someone once interviewed Frances Bean and she said she has no real idea why people would pay attention to her (outside of her parents being famous) because she hasn't done anything yet. And what have we done yet, after that? After that outrage about what had come before? It seems we merely decided to give it up, give up on the importance of that kind of intense feeling about... well, basically anything besides the minutiae of ourselves. Intensity has been played out, the idea of saving anyone from anything has been played out (as Kurt so proved)... What is left?

Unfortunately, I think the answer is the internet, where people can have all kinds of crazy ideas but refrain from ever making them public (the exceptions lately, I suppose, have been people like the Westboro Baptist Church... but like all groups with a dogma, they're hopefully quickly disregarded as nutjobs or, at minimum, too biased to enter the discussion). I'll give it credit for the kind of intertextuality that I find interesting, but it's people talking across each other through each other around each other- sometimes at each other- to a length that's completely unproductive. What have we done, then? More importantly, what is there to be done about the fact that we haven't done much? We're disillusioned of our own will to act. There are absolutely individual exceptions, but as a whole there's been no revolution (even that word is too charged for what I mean), no holistic change. And frankly, we're probably even bored with change, or at least the idea that things can be radically different for us. We're too used to the status quo, and yet we're also too used to lame attempts to change it.

I'd invoke Nietzsche, but I abhor his sexism (I cannot say if his thoughts were merely "in fashion" at the time as some critics say, but if they were, that tends to undermine his entire anti-system argument). He therefore cannot suit all of my needs in the "will" department. Part of the hilarity of all this is that he had his say on women and there is not much to be said in response this late. Feminists have bungled certain things that now only make any woman who stands up for herself look utterly ridiculous (and more importantly, make her look like she is some kind of angry, man-hating lesbian because she calls for equality). People (best of all, women!) are so over feminism that some have reverted back to not valuing themselves outside of the system in which we exist. Since no attempt at smashing it is likely to succeed and getting angry about it only succeeds in making you a laughing stock, can anything be done? The best illusion of all, I suppose, is that people claim we're (any minority, really) already equal or pandered to in this society when it still has a long way to come. See also: menarebetterthanwomen.com

So I just ask myself: what should I do? I don't even know where to start.
Link2 asked for cake | Cake or Death?

Who's being pessimistic now? [Mar. 17th, 2008 | 10:25 pm]
[I'm feeling |contentcontent]
[I'm listening to |Camera Obscura - Country Mile]

Good news about my dad, quoting my mother:
"The big news of the day is his pathology report came back. There was one foci of active cancer still remaining in the esophagus after chemotherapy and radiation. This part was removed. There is no evidence of metastases!! The histologic grade of the tumor was grade 2-3. Basically, Dr. Harr said he does not have to do any more chemotherapy and radiation related to this, which is good news. We hope we can consider this surgery curative."

Link2 asked for cake | Cake or Death?

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